It's Like Herding Cats

So KA is "herding" the tutors and mom down the street when Taylor says, "What are we cows?"

KA responds " Well you are suppose to keep up with me" 

Taylor: " I'm going to stop walking if you are going to call me a cow" to which Karson replies, " Well then I'm going to have to milk you."

Beware of Hazardous Birds

THIS REALLY HAPPENED TODAY. So we are walking towards the cafeteria to attend KUs poem recital. I ask Dave how his day went. He replies "It was a shitty day." And at that second a bird pooped all over his shirt. I kid you not!

Score One For The Man

Me: Well I started my diet today
KU: Why?
Me: Because I am too fat
KU: I think you are perfect just the way you are right now.
Me: (thinking to self) This kid is either going to be the greatest con man alive or he is going to become a reincarnate of Richard Simmons and all the women will love him.

I Can't Believe I Just Did That!

 I AM THE LOSER MOM OF THE UNIVERSE!!! I was giving Karson his meds tonight and accidently gave him one of my meds. I HAVE NEVER, EVER done both our meds at the same time before tonight. Called poison control and they said he should be fine. LOSER MOM STRIKES AGAIN!!!

Attacked

I heard KA telling this to KU on the way to school this morning.
KA: She's fierce. I am telling them they don't want to mess with her. She keeps attacking me and I am warning the other kids off. I'm trying to save their lives and their limbs.
Me: KA, if someone is attacking you then you need to tell the principal.
Karson: I CAN'T tell the principal!!!!!
Me: Why not?
Karson: It's my sister!

Love Sick

So third grader, KA, says to me "How do you know if you love somebody?"
Me: "You mean someone like your mom?"
KA: "No, I mean a girl."
Me: (Thinking "what do you think I'm not a girl? thanks bud!" Which is quickly replaced by "holy crap, you are only 8...I don't want to listen to this...but on the positive side it does answer that question of whether or not he is gay)" Well," I begin, " when you are in love your body feels all tingly when you get near that person and you really just want to be around them all the time because they makes your heart feel good."
KA: (who now drops to the floor and with a big sigh declares) "I guess I'm in love then."

Only My Boys

So KU's teacher comes out to tell me KU had a "little problem" at school today. Seems he was working on his math paper talking all the while to the girl "next door." He brings his paper up to the teacher and she notices the last three problems have no work shown so she has no way of knowing how he got the answer. She says, "KU, what were you thinking? You have to show your work. Really, what were you thinking here? He looks at her and says "I was thinking that Kim is really good at math and knows all the answers so it would probably be best for me to just to copy her paper." She being the wonderful teacher she is says " Boy that was very brave of you to tell me the truth." So she told him to erase his answers, go back to his seat and re-do the problems this time showing his work.

Thanks Again

KA: Mom, why do women drink?
Me: So that for 5 minutes they can remember when they were young, gorgeous and carefree.
KA: Mom, I think it will take a lot more than five minutes for you to remember back when you were like that.
Me: Thank you so much son. You are sure dishing out the compliments today!

Mom The Boozer

KA: Mom did you have a little too much to drink last night? 

Me: Why do you ask that? 

KA: "Well, lady parties always have alot to drink esp. Amy's lady parties and besides I can see your stomach poking out which means you drank alot of Amy's booze

SPLAT

We asked KA today if he would like to try skiing. His answer" Is there any point to it or is to to go SPLAT to your death?"