I Need To Start Thinking

I keep thinking that I need to start writing about some heavy duty subjects. You know...work the brain. Think a little. Ponder. Delve. But frankly, I am kind of enjoying this ride down the lazy river that I am on. It's kind of like being 17 years old again tubing down the river and drinking Boone's Farm. You know there are rapids up ahead but you wait until you see them to do something about it. Lately my life is just slowly moving and it is like I am being carried along.... no paddling required. I'm not looking to make any splashes or even get a little wet. I'm just kind of enjoying slowly floating along being taken to wherever I am suppose to see, hear whatever songs are being sung, tasting the fine things that life offers up. I wish I could say that I'm feeling this way because I have matured, I've been enlightened or some other such nonsense. The truth is that the doctor put me on two medications for my fibromyalgia which is working wonders and I feel wonderful. Now that is worth writing about!

Being Hit By A Ton Of Bricks

Today it felt like I was hit by a ton of bricks, happy, wistful bricks, but bricks just the same. I felt crushed by the weight of all the "what could have beens" and the crushing sadness of suddenly missing someone who has been dead for almost 25 years. And not being prepared for the feelings that rushed over me and made me cry; the person who never lets the tears fall. This is what happens when the unexpected arrives so silently and without notice; a mixture of profound happiness and sadness and the wonder that both can exist one within the other.

Today I found an old box with cards in it. Cards congratulating me on Ross' birth 25 years ago. Cards from dear freinds who I miss terribly and friends who have melted away like a snowflake on a warm winter's night. Friends who were mine and friends of my mothers who gave her a grand Baby Shower for me. And tucked within all this happiness and loving memories I found a card that threw me in a tizzy but one I will treasure forever. The card said For You Daughter, On Your First Mother's Day and in it was my mothers instantly recognizable writing...the writing of a teacher whose cursive was book perfect with just the right tilt and curl to her s. She wrote:

"Hope you have a wonderful Mother's Day. Now you know what it's all about and how much love a mother feels for her child. That feeling never leaves. I love you now and I always have and always will. Love, Mom"

Sometimes gifts both happy and sad arrive at unexpected but totally meaingful times. Some say it is pure coincidence some attribute it to divine intervention. But all I know is that it arrived at the perfect time...when Ross was leaving for his own home and when Kylee took the last box to her new home to start her life as an adult. The beauty of words is the meaning they convey and whether they are two years old or twenty-five years later love speaks a language that never grows old and has the power to touch a heart years later. All of which begs the question...what have you written to your loved ones today?