Jesus and Homework

My Dear FB Friends. I am doing a poll for Karson's sake. He has not been doing his homework and his excuse for not doing it was that I said "Jesus is more important than homework." Now, does this sound anything at all like me?

Break Time

I don't know about you but for me helping my kids with their homework is about to do me in. Really...you don't know the answer even though you just told it to me not 10 seconds ago? Really....you don't get that the problem you just did was like the 50 before it only with different numbers? Needless to say, I never had a calling to teach, so why, I ask myself during the long arduous homework marathon, am I the one always sitting here helping with the homework?  Finally, I think I have an answer to the question. I have concluded that homework is a test from God. She figures if you can work for ten minutes with your own little darling, the one you gained 50 pounds carrying and the one you have given up any hope of finding even a smidgen of privacy from; if you can do math without choking them at minute seven then you can probably fit in with just about anyone who you might bump into around heaven. Unfortunately, I have been failing the test lately. I can only hope God in her infinite wisdom gives you a 2000 out of 3000 chance to prove yourself. Still, as it stands now, after five children, the odds are against me.

Last week while helping KU with his homework I began to feel my knees start shaking at minute three, a full-blown headache arrived by minute four and by minute five I began to wonder if a glass of wine might help even if it was at 3:30 p.m. Then, right before my body began to slide under the table my usually very un-astute eight- year-old son looked at me and said, "Mom you look like you need a break. I find that they really help release the tension. Why don't you go and take one now and I will call you back in five minutes or when I need your help, whatever comes first."

And it was in that moment that I realized that God really was looking out for me but more importantly she was looking out for him. God knows when we need a break and sends others to tell us. Sometimes we have to look to find them and other times they are standing right before us. Either way, sometimes we just need to be reminded to treat ourselves and the ones we love with kindness and compassion by taking a break from those things that are doing us in for the moment or over time. Big break or little one it really doesn't matter just as long as you allow yourself the gift of breaking in life to attend to your own needs.

Messy

Tonight we are sitting at the table and the kids are doing their homework when KU starts acting up because he is frustrated. It is the usual frustration that he feels when doing math...it might as well be Greek to him. First he starts making faces, then it escalates to an angry voice, the tears start to flow and then he starts kicking that table. KA looks up from his homework and says "Don't go messing with Mom. I did that once and it wasn't pretty!"

Homework Globlins

I recently heard that we have a budget crisis in our educational system. Districts are selling their souls to fast food conglomerates in order to save money now at the expense of our kids health in the future. But have no fear, Cheryl's here. As it turned out I stumbled upon this idea early this morning while trying to deliver the kids to the bus on time and in one piece (hard labor is an easier task) without me pulling all my hair out or diving under the tires of fast moving mini van for a momentary reprieve. And if the truth be known,  I really must confess that hate this part of the school year. There are no holidays to give you a break from the homework demons and winter solstice seems a million miles away. Yes, at this point in the school year the only thing a parent can look forward to is catching the flu to get out of being on homework duty.

I have also noticed by this time of the year the novelty of school has worn off for all involved. Involuntary twitching can be seen in teachers everywhere, parents recite times tables in their sleep while Jr. can't remember that any number times zero is ZERO, and our children's homework papers are crammed into their backpacks intertwined with last week's school notices that never made it home. The Return To School and the Keep At School sections of the homework notebook have become a mishmash of writing that is barely legible but could definitely qualify for an A in Swahili. In addition, the right corner of my son's backpack holds last weeks peanut butter and jelly sandwich which lays limply; growing mold for some science project that is due in 2012. But even worse than all that is that around this time of year it marks the return of The Homework Thief. You know him. He stars in the daily early-morning soap; The Case Of The Missing Homework. And he never fails to show up especially the morning after a night spent in Homework Hell. Count on it. Spend two hours working with your child on homework and the next morning it is impossible to locate. This despite your reiterating rule number # 632 "Put your homework in your backpack", which, you have undoubtedly said 632 times that evening. Sometime between midnight when you haul yourself into bed and the 6 am torture of packing lunches, ironing clothes, checking teeth making a hearty breakfast for your spawn; The Homework Thief sneaks into the house and steals your child's homework so you can look like the negligent parent who parks his ass in front of the TV all night and tells his kid to tell the teacher "the dog ate it."And it never fails that during parent teacher conference you see the teachers whispering as you pass by now and forever to be labeled Loser Mom of the Universe (LMU).

But today I had enough. Tired of being pegged as a SPAM (slacker posing as mom) or a LMU I decided to fight back and protect what shred of dignity I had left after my son's rendition of the now infamous What We Did On Summer Vacation report. Head held high I sent my son's teacher an email this morning. It read:

 Dear Mr. F: Last night KA did his homework (with me suffering right along with him for two hours!) and this morning it is gone. Instead of putting his folder in his backpack when completed as he was instructed to do;once again The Homework Thief has broken into our house and removed his work. UGH. I guess you will have to duct tape KA to the wall as an example to all the other students!

Hmmmm, SPAM mom, I think not. From now on I think I wish to be known as a DIMWIM type of mom (don't intentionally mess with ME). If only more parents took this approach instead of the "don't punish my child just because he is irresistible and irresponsible"the world would be a better place and schools would become safer. Therefore, in keeping with the tradition of innovative school practices I propose this.... duct tape. Better than a hall monitor or an assistant principal whose sole duty is to impose educational justice on slacker kids; at just $2.99 it is a school district's dream come true. 101 uses for duct tape, I think not. Why limit yourself when 102 will do.

Homework Time

Viewing KA's homework with him. One paper everything is wrong. I ask him what happened as he usually gets all his math correct. He looks at me and says "Did you help me with this one?"

Allie and Jenni are making arrays with coins. THere are 12 coins. Allie makes a 3x4 array and Jenni makes a 6x2 array. Explain why both students are correct.
KA: Mom, do you think you understand this or should I get KU (my younger brother) to check my work?

I am having KA do an extra page of math. KA: My teacher will kill me if I do extra. Me: I don't think she will kill you. KA: Yes she will kill me. Me: KA, I will ask her tomorrow if she will kill you for doing extra work. KA: Mark my words she is going to kill me for it and it will be your fault.

Conversations All Night Long

KA is getting frustrated because I am making him re-do a part of his homework
Ka: Are you trying to make me crack because I swear my shell is breaking! I telling you I am about to lose my temper....here it comes....ready or not...now I am going to explode!


God and Santa

Tonight we went out to Denny's for dinner. Here is the conversation:

KU: Does Santa die?

Me (thinking oh,crap how do I answer this. Okay a simple NO should suffice) NO

KU:I guess God knows if Santa dies it would make all the children sad.

KA: So does Santa believe in God?

Me: (Oh man not another one of these questions...go for the short but sweet answer) YES

KA: I think that is why God gives Santa the gift of eternal life because he believes!

Me: Where did you hear about eternal life?

KA: God told me

STOP THAT KA
For about the past month KA has been bringing his foot up behind him and slapping it with his hand. Today I told him he needed to stop doing that.

Ka: Are you trying, in a really sly mom way, to tell me not to do that in public. That's what you really mean isn't it!
Me: Well, yes I am. When you do things like that they become habits that you do even when you aren't thinking about doing it. So if you do it at home you will probably do it in public because it has become a habit.
Ka: So you are telling me you don't want it to become a homelic problem. That's like a public problem except it happens at home.I'm pretty clever, aren't I mom!