The New Buddha

Last night I walk into the kitchen and find KU sitting on a small blanket, legs folded with his hands open and on his legs with the Bible sitting in front of him. "What are you doing?," I ask. "I am finding my peace," is his reply. What the heck...where did that come from?

THe Genius

KA: Mom, Why did GOd make me autistic?
Me: I don't think God does things like that. Things just happen.
KA: I guess that is why God made me a genius in order to compensate.
Me: Honey, you aren't a genius.
KA: Okay, brillant. God made me brillant
Me: Yes you are honey. Yes you are.

That Was Close...The Dreaded Sex Talk

KU: Mom what do people do to like each other?
Me: Huh? What do you mean?
KU: What do people do who like each other?
Me: Well, when you like someone you look them in the eye and ask them questions about themselves.
KU: That is not what I mean
Me: I don't understand the question, KU.
KU: How do people who like each other have a baby?
Me: (Oh Holy cr**. How do I answer that? If I tell him the truth then I know he will draw an anatomically correct cartoon and show every kid on the playground tomorrow)
KU: So how do the blue and red wires come together in your body?
Me: Huh? (I must be getting dumber by the second because I have no clue how to answer this question! What does he know that I don't?)
KU: You know the red and blue wires in your body?
Me: Oh ( I knew he was an alien....he just blew his cover. Wait a minute...thinking back to the blood work that was drawn earlier in the week) Do you mean the arteries and veins in your body?
KU: Yeah. Those. How do they make a baby?
Me: Why do you ask?
KU: Well I like babies.
Me: First of all it takes a man and a woman who have to be over 25 and really, really like each other enough to get married (please, Father, forgive me because I have lied but its only because I didn't have time to prepare. I mean really THAT one really came out of left field. Now how to I reconcile this with adoption? Oh Geez man have I blown that one!)
KU: Never mind mom I know the rest, he says as he is leaving the room
Me: (Oh cr** what does that mean? Should I go find out? Naw....I'll let Dave tackle it when he gets home. Maybe by then KU will have forgotten this entire conversation....one can only hope!)

My husband comes home and says I handled the whole situation wrong. He said I should have told KU that you use a wirenut to wire the two wires together and that they then create electricity which creates a baby. Silly me!

Homework Time

Viewing KA's homework with him. One paper everything is wrong. I ask him what happened as he usually gets all his math correct. He looks at me and says "Did you help me with this one?"

Allie and Jenni are making arrays with coins. THere are 12 coins. Allie makes a 3x4 array and Jenni makes a 6x2 array. Explain why both students are correct.
KA: Mom, do you think you understand this or should I get KU (my younger brother) to check my work?

I am having KA do an extra page of math. KA: My teacher will kill me if I do extra. Me: I don't think she will kill you. KA: Yes she will kill me. Me: KA, I will ask her tomorrow if she will kill you for doing extra work. KA: Mark my words she is going to kill me for it and it will be your fault.

I Need To Start Thinking

I keep thinking that I need to start writing about some heavy duty subjects. You know...work the brain. Think a little. Ponder. Delve. But frankly, I am kind of enjoying this ride down the lazy river that I am on. It's kind of like being 17 years old again tubing down the river and drinking Boone's Farm. You know there are rapids up ahead but you wait until you see them to do something about it. Lately my life is just slowly moving and it is like I am being carried along.... no paddling required. I'm not looking to make any splashes or even get a little wet. I'm just kind of enjoying slowly floating along being taken to wherever I am suppose to see, hear whatever songs are being sung, tasting the fine things that life offers up. I wish I could say that I'm feeling this way because I have matured, I've been enlightened or some other such nonsense. The truth is that the doctor put me on two medications for my fibromyalgia which is working wonders and I feel wonderful. Now that is worth writing about!

Logical Choice

KA is po'd that Dave and Kylee went to a college football game without him.

KA: I don't even know why they go together. They only have a few things in common
1. THey are both strong 2. They both have the same cell phone 3. They both don't listen to you (thanks son!)
Now Dad and I have a lot in common so I am a better choice
1. We both like sports 2. We are really great builders 3. We like Star Wars 4. We like our dog Bene 5. You guys don't hide in the bedroom when I am around like you do when Kylee comes over 6. We both really like you more than anything 7. We both like to read 8. I'll eat a hamburger at the game and Kylee won't...there are 92 more but I can't think of them. So you see I am the logical choice. Next time Dad needs to go to the game with us.

Counter-Intelligence

So Carrie from ACES goes out to the school to see KA. He basically tells her "Pssttt, you know what I do...but you can't tell anyone. Sometimes I sneak over to the second grade playground to play with my brother even though I am not suppose to be over there. And I then sneak back right before the bell rings."

So he takes her over to said playground and talks and plays with her there. About 30 seconds before the bell rings he says, "PSSSTTT, we got to get out of here because the bell is going to ring. Lets go!" She said it was eerie how he knew that bell was going to ring.

Name, Rank and Serial Number ONLY Son

So I walk up to KU's teacher this morning and ask if he is still falling asleep in class as I adjusted his medication. No, she tells me but he did get dentention. Did he tell you?

Seems that when the kids came back in the classroom from lunch the kids told the teacher that Kullen was sticking his fingers up his nose (hasn't he learned by now NEVER to put anything up his nose?)
KU: Well the kids told me to do it.
Teacher: Kullen if the kids told you to play on the freeway would you?
KU: What is a freeway?
Teacher: Kullen if the kids told you to jump off a cliff would you?
KU: What is a clift?
Teacher: Okay. If the kids told you to play in the street would you?
KU: Probably not......Is this the kind of thing you get detention for?
Teacher (the possibility of detention never crossed my mind) Why, do you think you deserve dentention?
KU: Well I am not sure I deserve it but I did earn it.
Teacher: Well, okay, then. You have detention.

Conversations All Night Long

KA is getting frustrated because I am making him re-do a part of his homework
Ka: Are you trying to make me crack because I swear my shell is breaking! I telling you I am about to lose my temper....here it comes....ready or not...now I am going to explode!


God and Santa

Tonight we went out to Denny's for dinner. Here is the conversation:

KU: Does Santa die?

Me (thinking oh,crap how do I answer this. Okay a simple NO should suffice) NO

KU:I guess God knows if Santa dies it would make all the children sad.

KA: So does Santa believe in God?

Me: (Oh man not another one of these questions...go for the short but sweet answer) YES

KA: I think that is why God gives Santa the gift of eternal life because he believes!

Me: Where did you hear about eternal life?

KA: God told me

STOP THAT KA
For about the past month KA has been bringing his foot up behind him and slapping it with his hand. Today I told him he needed to stop doing that.

Ka: Are you trying, in a really sly mom way, to tell me not to do that in public. That's what you really mean isn't it!
Me: Well, yes I am. When you do things like that they become habits that you do even when you aren't thinking about doing it. So if you do it at home you will probably do it in public because it has become a habit.
Ka: So you are telling me you don't want it to become a homelic problem. That's like a public problem except it happens at home.I'm pretty clever, aren't I mom!

Campfire Rules

Sunday night as we are singing around the campfire

KA: Dad could you please keep up with the song. Singing the right notes would be nice too!