Friday, May 18, 2012

To My Child's Teacher

To my child's teacher:

I wanted to make you aware of something you may not have considered in regards to these "Where I Came From" type of assignments. My daughter does not have a birth picture as most international adoptees do not. This can be very painful to some adoptees when class assignments such as this come around. My daughter was born in Korea where children are adopted in a very legal and orderly manner with children being placed with agencies after birth. Yet, part of her past is missing. And some kids from China are left in public places as it is against the law for parents to abandon a child and in that culture the gender of choice is male. Therefore, often girls are abandoned. In addition, due to the one child policy; abandonment happens to females in high numbers. These children often struggle with the fact that they were "left" somewhere.

In addition, having to include a story of their birth is very difficult because many children who are adopted have no clue about the story of their birth. They can't say things like my mother ate pickles during pregnancy and cried and cried when I was born. They have no idea of the circumstances of their birth except that in many countires it is one of disgrace and shame. Instead of their birth being a happy time many adoptees feel that it is a time of sorrow where they lost their identity and their heritage.

My daughter cannot answer the questions of the hospital where she was born and who came to see her and how her mother felt. We can answer those questions from when we first saw her picture at three months and when she came home at almost 8 months but this seperates her out from the other kids. In addition, we only encourage her to share what she knows of her birth story with people she wants to and frankly it is not appropriate for just anyone to know nor it is not everyone's business to know the circumstances of her birth.

These kinds of assignments can be hurtful to adoptees or children who come from "different" families other than a two parent mom and dad type of family. Many kids now come from gay families and may not be comfortable sharing that. Many kids now come from single mother with unknown fathers and may not be comfortable sharing that. Many children come from foster families and had abusive first parents who may have told them over and over things like, "I wish you had not been born." Many times the birth of a child is not a "happy" time in a family and a child may know that. While the jist of these assignments are made with the noblest of intentions, in reality, these types of assignments are often uncomfortable and hurtful for children.

Just wanted you to consider this from another point of view.

Another Round of Olden Days

Was pokemon around when you were little?
I am not sure
Well, I am wondering about the olden days
I wouldn't know about the olden days. I didn't live in them.
I mean the 90's, mom
Son, the 1990's were not so long ago and they certainly were not the olden days
No, I mean when you were little; back in the 1890's

A Perfect Margarita Retirement

KU: I think that we should retire
Me: Why?
KU: Because then I could play in the sand all day drinking margauritas like grandpa

Shoes Glorious Shoes

KE: Mom, can we go shopping for some shoes? I just love shoes!!!!
KA: Spoken like a true woman!


Damn those mean kids on the bus. Poor KU comes home crying because the kids on the bus are teasing KA and KA doesn't even realize it. "I try to protect my brother but I just can't" KU sobbed. I tried to explain to him that protecting KA was not his job. That it was nice if he wanted to and that if someone was going to hurt KA he should get help but he didn't have to protect him 24/7. My poor, sweet boy! Makes this Momma want to go kick some ass...and I am in the Zen Zone.



So Modest

So I said to KA the other day "I wonder how Taelor is doing? He replied" Probably great." "Why do you say that," I asked. "Well, she learned alot from me that she can apply in her life. I am pretty great myself you know!."

Another KA Ditty

Conversation Between KA and Myself
Me: You make my heart smile
KA: I highly doubt that. Your heart is an organ. It's a billion-to-one chance that your heart would smile unless a doctor drew a smile on it. But now that I think about it your odds are really much lower and it could happen. Actually they are something like 500-to-one that a doctor might draw on your heart because...well, you are _____ (well you know, its that word you don't like to hear about) So anyway, fat people have heart disease so the probability that you are going in for work on your heart someday is really quite high! I would guess it will happen in the next year or so...can I have your piano?