Monday, August 20, 2007

Just One Friend

When I was younger I was really much braver than I am now. I miss that part of me but with maturity somehow we realize that things that we once could skate around can now put us down.Flat. Things like autism.

I feel like I have been sorely lacking hope this past week. Usually I
do great with all of this but everyonce in a while I let the scaries
win out over the positives.

I know I should be happy. Both boys have average IQ's, they both have each other, they are very bright in many areas. We really have a lot to be thankful for. But sometimes, when I see Ka chasing kids out on the playground and he looks odd and he
just isn't truly interacting with the other kids (just reacting to them) I just feel so I know pain is coming his way and I have no way of stopping it.

And sometimes when a parent acts like my kids are somehow not as good as theirs or harder to take than theirs I melt inside. Sure, it's first grade. Kids and parents will be forgiving at this age but the older he gets the less forgiving they are. And when I look in the crystal ball sometimes I just see tears. I don't know if
they are mine or his but either way I wonder if there is enough kleenex
in the world to catch them all.

Finally, I hope both boys can make ONE friend. One is all I ask. And I encourage all of you whose children do not have special needs to encourage your children to make friends with the kids who do. It is heartbreaking to watch one of my son's try to make friends and how difficult it is for him when he does not pick up social cues. He is a good friend and a sweet boy but the other kids see a child who runs "funny" , sometimes makes "funny sounds", sometimes pats people down and tries too hard. He struggles so hard to just be like the other kids. He is soooo smart but cannot comprehend when kids are making fun of him and he is the butt of a joke. So please send him good vibes, wisdom in making good choices, and insight into how the world and relationships work. Oh you can send them to me too because I really have never understood either.