The Tutor and I Were Mind F***** By A Nine Year Old

So today I was called to school because K was acting up and out. He kept calling out for this stuffed dog, snuggles. OVER AND OVER AND OVER again. Even kicked his aide which has never happened before. So I went to school armed with cleaning products (natural of course) and a trash bag for picking up leaves to add to my compost pit. Seems this all started because A) I caught KA trying to take his dinosaur book to school and removed it from his backpack B) seems I forgot to give him his medicine. Score two for the Loser Mom of the Year award. So KA is cleaning the tables in the cafeteria and it turns out he is having a great old time and would much rather be doing that than to be in class. Project CLean THe School backfired on me. Hmmmmmm, I have to think of something new to stay one step ahead of him. 

So today when he gets home he is still out of sorts and totally misbehaving. Finally, I told him that since he could only talk about snuggles that I would be taking Snuggles and keeping him with me and that if he did a good job at school tomorrow he could have him back; which I might add he went with quite readily which surprised me. So about an hour later his tutor, Amy, is asking him to write down three things he could have done differently at school regarding the SNUGGLES EPISODE. He tells her "Who is Snuggles?" and just starts screwing with her. "I don't know a Snuggles?" "Who is Snuggles again?" "I don't know any snuggles" at which point I mistakenly decide to call  his bluff and up the ante. So the next time he says he doesn't know who Snuggles is I say, "Well, since you don't know him I guess it won't matter to you if I take him out to the fire pit and burn him up" to which KA replies "I"ll get the marshmallows!!!!!!!!!!!!" Amy and I look at him dumbfounded. What this is his best friend and he wants to roast him right along with the somores?!!!!!!!!!!

So I try again impressing upon the fact that Snuggles is going to be a heap of ashes when he is done in the fire pit and Karson's response is bring on the marshmallows. Now I am caught between a rock and a hard place and I have put my own self there!!!!!!!!! UGHHHHHHHHHHH! How can I do this to myself????? When will I ever learn???????????? But I now have no choice but to march Snuggles out to a fiery demise. So up the stairs I climb like a soldier leading a prisoner to the guillotine. And as I hold the doomed dog in my hands looking at Amy with a 'please help me get out of this mess' kind of look; down the stairs comes KU with tears in his eyes. "You can't burn Snuggles up, you just can't" and the floodgates let loose. "KA loves Snuggles and Snuggles has been a loyal friend."..,..saved by an eight year old.  "You are right Kullen and since KA doesn't care about Snuggles anymore and you have spared his life he is now yours." (Thank you KU. Bless your kind compassionate soul 1000 times over)

To which KA says "Shucks no marshmallows!"

Which means I will not sleep all night as I try to figure this whole situation out and how I should or should not handle future situations because it is obvious I am being mind f----- by a nine year old and I don't know what to do about it.

Poems by KA ( Yes, I am a proud momma!)

Someone in this family ate an autism sandwich for breakfast yesterday as well as one this morning. May G*d help us all...esp. the poor teacher!!!~Cheryl

Two poems by KA

Autumn By KA

Two rabbits, you can see,

Jumping high into a tree.

Weeks have passed, so far I've seen,

Leaves, the color of red and orange, not green.

Another week passed and a warm day arrived,

Bees are filling up their hive.

Another week has passed, say, look at the bottom,

Hey, I know this season, it's autumn.

FALL BY KA

A flock of geese,

flying south, not north, not east.

When you go into the woods,

be sure to wear a jacket and hood.

Creepy crawlies, so drab and ugly,

turn from hideous into buggly.

Every day the leaves fall down

wolves howl like dogs in a pound.

People, we can see, pull off a leaf,

because they smell so very sweet.

The Christmas List

Today I was asking the kids what they wanted for Christmas. I explained to them that we were going to scale back our Christmas this year so that they would not be getting much from us. In response, KA says, "that's okay Mom. You already gave me the best gift of all this entire year.

 "What is that, KA?"  

KA: "Love mom, you gave us love."

And little did he know that was MY Christmas present from the boy to whom emotions are like some uncharted territory as explored by Lewis and Clarke.

 Ye,t as wonderful and tear dropping this was

 I still wonder....

...what does he really want?????????????

Stuff

Well, I could not remember my log on info for Blogger so that is why I have not been blogging. Here are a few of the tidbits that happened during this time at my house.

Me: KE you have to be nice to your brothers!
KE: Can't we just get rid of them!

My patience has been sorely tested. Can I EVER get the kids out the door without wailing like a banshee!? I mean come on...you know you wear shoes everyday and underwear and socks....don't you!!!!!!!!!!! To which my wonderful friend replies...  Yup! I hear you! Why do I have to say, "Brush your teeth IN the bathroom?" Isn't that just a given? And why does, "go get your socks on" sound like, "wander into your room, pick up a toy and play with it until I come yell at you."?????? And why, oh why, do I have to tell you that your shirt/pants/socks are on backwards????

 Mars to Earth. Mars to Earth. Do you read me earth? We have an autistic satellite spinning out of control and tossing out non-stop gibberish that the universe is in peril. Repeat the universe is in peril. I think we had better press the RED button and nuke it out of orbit, commander. We don't want this have the same results as the MMR campaign! Shoot it from the sky, NOW!

 KA: Girls nature is having pretty hair. A boys nature is to fart! Oh man we are full of it tonight!

 Meltdown number 478- "That is the thing that is ruining my day...carrots!"

Taylor the Tutor says:" Please, God, grant me patience."
KU: "Maybe you should say, thank you Lord for sending me this test instead."

That Troublesome Wait

I sent my 3 yo granddaughter a bedspread and things for her room. I also included her Christmas presents which she promptly opened when her dad was in the shower. So when I called her I asked KAE, "Did you open the presents that Grandma sent you for Christmas?" 

"Yes, I did grandma," she replied solemnly.

"KAE you were suppose to WAIT until Christmas."

"But Grandma, my WAIT isn't very good yet."

The End Of The World Is Near

KU: Mom, when is the end of the world coming?

Me: Why do you ask?

KU: I decided I need to get ready for it.

Me: Well, that is assuming that you believe the end of the world is near. Do you believe that?

KU: Yes

Me: Why do you think that?

KU: Because I invented a machine that could slice from one end of the earth to the other and I am not sure what would happen. I think the two halves would split apart and float in space.

Me: Oh I see so you will bring about the end of the world?

KU: It wouldn't be on purpose. It's just that I don't have the design perfect yet.

Me: Well, KU, you have the choice to make good machines or not so good ones. I hope that you choose to make good ones that help people.

KU: Okay, mom. I'll do that.

Messy

Tonight we are sitting at the table and the kids are doing their homework when KU starts acting up because he is frustrated. It is the usual frustration that he feels when doing math...it might as well be Greek to him. First he starts making faces, then it escalates to an angry voice, the tears start to flow and then he starts kicking that table. KA looks up from his homework and says "Don't go messing with Mom. I did that once and it wasn't pretty!"

KU Quip

KU: I wish my sister had a mute button!

This weekend I told the boys that we needed to send Uncle Mark an email. Uncle Mark is currently serving as a Chaplain  over in Afghanistan. I always think it is interesting how while both boys have autism their take on things is so different from one another; proving once again that Autism comes in different shapes and forms. KA is 9 yo and KU is 8 yo.

Dear Uncle Mark from KU:

Hope you are having a good time. Is it hot or is it cold? Have you had any battles yet? It's me, KU.

Dear Uncle Mark from KA:

War is hell.

Me: KA, first of all I think that we should not say war is hell.

KA: Why not?

Me: Well, for one Uncle Mark is over there and it seems like it probably isn't the best thing to say. And number two, Uncle Mark is a minister and he probably doesn't like you using the word Hell.

KA: Why not?

Me: It's just an hunch. So can you think of something else to say?

KA: Okay, how about war is something very cruel and bloody. So if you feel like you have to throw up, you are probably not the only one. Actually, I would throw up if I saw war. But even if you are in a war you have your rights.Don't forget that. Love KA.

Yep, different boys, different takes on life. 

Two Minutes And Counting Until The Bus Arrives

I absolutely HATE school mornings. They go something like this.

Where is your homework folder...I don't know...How could you not know? You put it in your backpack last night...but I looked at it this morning...where did you look at it....I dunno.  Okay, where is your lunchbox...I dunno...Did you get it off of the kitchen counter like I told you to do?... What kitchen counter?... The one in the castle out in back. Ask the cook for it....But you are the cook...Yes, I am and obviously the keeper of the lunchbox. No, my teacher keeps it so I don't lose it. Okay, well tell your teacher to come over here so we know where your lunchbox is... Mom, I need you to sign this. I need a cake for school... Today? You need a cake today...I think so...Give me that note!... KU....where are your shoes? ....I dunno...KU the bus is going to be here in two minutes. You need to get your shoes on. Where are they?Are you kidding me? I told you 30 minutes ago to put on your shoes and now you are asking me where they are now?.... KA, go upstairs and brush your hair...I did last night...well it's morning now so do it now...but you don't shave your legs in the night and then in the morning...but I should, so go upstairs and brush your hair. And your teeth....Why?.... On God help me keep what little sanity I have left!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Oh yeah, and this picture shows exactly how I feel in the morning except it would be my body under that bus!!!!