Tuesday, August 24, 2010

Pack Rat Fever

 Says my wise husband to my children who are in trouble. "Knowledge costs something but a parents wisdom is free."

This is in reference to the fact that after telling my children 1,386, 798, 452 times NOT to move the glass lizard tank they did. This time they decided to drop it on the Wii Fit platform shattering it into a million pieces. Needless to say we had a huge talk about whether we should keep the lizards as they now had no home and the boys had no money to buy a new one. Finally, Dave told them that he would buy some of their possessions from them so they could earn money for a tank. Well KU brought down his most precious possessions. A picture of him, his artwork, his Statue of Liberty, favorite books, etc. Everything that was near and dear to his heart. KA on the other hand brought down a gum WRAPPER...not even the gum to go with it. After about 5 times upstairs "looking" for things to sell to dad and finding "NOTHING" he could bear to part with; Dad told him to bring down his compendium of THomas The Tank Engine. Well KA fought this all the way. When that didn't work he then tried to control the outcome to his satisfaction.
"Okay, you can have the book," he tells Dave "Provided that I can read it whenever I want."
"No dice, Buddy, It's all or nothing. If it is nothing we let the lizards go."
After much grumbling the book becomes Dave's.

Later that evening we find the book being used as a pillow.
Sometimes giving up is harder than giving in. And sometimes giving in is exhausting.

Pour Thing

Why is it that my children are bent on destruction? Where does this gene come from? Is there a way to turn it off? Why aren't all the research dollars going to solve this problem? Why does it seem to be MY kids who are always pulling these stunts?

It's a DARN good thing everyone is asleep or mom would be on the warpath. Which son of mine decided it would be a good idea to pour all the sand and stones from the rock polisher down the sink?????????????

Older Than Dirt

There are days that I can convince myself that I look pretty good for my age. Then one of my kids opens their mouth and says something like:

KU: Mom was George Washington born before you??????????????????? 
Me: Naw, I grew up with Martha. In fact, those rascals only knew each other three weeks when they married at Martha's estate in Virginia. I was the bridesmaid.

Wednesday, August 18, 2010

On Being Called GRANDMA When With Your Young Children

Recently, one of the women that I am on a BB with talked about how strangers were referring to her as Grandma if she was out with her kids. Undoubtedly, that is not the kind of comment that makes you go out and take on the day. At 49, I have had that happen to me several times. So in that vein, if I did all the things it would take to make me look younger I would:

 1.Lose more weight (and I just read a study that said skinny people are perceived as older because fatter people's skin stretches and you can't see the lines) So I am carefully looking at my options here and an ice cream sundae that is calling out too me :lol: 
2. I would lose the van and get a 2 seater sports car (that isn't going to happen anytime soon) 
3. have my own personal crane to hoist certain sagging body parts up but that is out of the question because I can't afford the teamsters operators fees for the crane operator.
 4. elect to have surgery, surgery, surgery...unfortunately it is all considered elective no matter how many times I have argued with my insurance if you are going to pay for viagra then it is only fair that you pay for a tummy tuck, butt tuck and anything else the doc is willing to tuck. And really, if all us "grandma's" looked that good the Viagra market would tank. Obviously, the BIG PHARMA would NEVER allow that to happen
 5. I would hire a couple of old men to walk around and call me "Mom" and everyone will think I look fabulous but I really don't like all the paperwork that would entail unless I could pay them under the table so as to not endanger their social secutirty
 6. Pay my kids to call me "sis" while we are out in public but unfortunately I think they would refuse citing the creepiness clause. 
7. Divorce my husband and marry Castro so the next time someone said that to me I could yell "Off with their head!" It would certainly make those idiots who say things like that think twice! 
8. Yell out "these are my grandchildren? Last time I saw them they had blond hair and blue eyes. What did you do with my other grandchildren? Police! Police!"

So instead of going to all the time and effort of the above I have elected to:

1. Get a shot of botox right between the eyebrows since that large crevice makes me look angry all the time. I don't do the eyes or anything else just that horrid spot that makes me look tired and mean 

 2. I am considering telling everyone that I am a 65 yo Grandma and then instead of them thinking I look old their perception of me will change immediately and they will tell me how great I look for my age. I am also thinking about carrying around a very expensive jar of face cream that I will sell to them for $300 so they can look as good as I do at (cough, cough) 65. :lol:

Okay, I am done. See your sense of humor also gets worse when you get to be my age! So does the dementia!

Friday, August 13, 2010

Been so bad about blogging so here are a few ditties

 Me: Do you want to go outside and look at the stars
Him (who shall remain unnamed) No. But if you want you can watch me pee. It kindof looks like stars are shooting out of there!

 From my friend Carla...love this
"You can safely assume that you've created G-d in your own image when it turns out that G-d hates all the same people you do."

As you can tell we had a fluent conversation day yesterday.
KA introducing his sister to a boy " This is my sister KE. She is a drama queen!"

"Am I being too quiet?"
"Don't you want to hear my beautiful voice?"

Yesterday on the condition of Kylee's apartment
KU "It looks like a pig style in here almost like a tormato came through here!"

KU "I want to know how babies are made!"
Amy the tutor "That is something you learn about when you are older."
KU "Never mind I will just Google it."

 Someone around here ate an autism sandwich for breakfast!

 My "Being Bothered About Stupid Shit" in box is full. Please do not try to fill the box with more STUPID SHIT until the box has been emptied and refurbished sometime in 2040.

 ‎"Mom your conscience is going to die if you don't start listening to it"- KU .This in response to my putting a jelly bean in my mouth while on a diet. Believe me I have the diet gestapo on my butt around here.