...And The Ending Never Comes

The other day a friend on FB talked about reading with her son and how all his questions made her want to stab herself in the eye. I totally get that because there is nothing worse than someone who:
A. Fancies themselves an editor and wants to re-write the story in Vulcan and of course not knowing a word of Vulcan decides you must
B. Doesn't understand Rule # 215 of reading which is one person reads at a fairly rapid clip while adding appropriate silly voices while the other person shuts-up, sits still and just LISTENS.
Now obviously, if you know my son, you know he does not understand rule #215 or any of the 214 Reading Rules that come before it. Witness a conversation that we once had several years ago as I began to read Goldilocks and The Three Bears.


Me: "Once upon a time there were three bears."
KA: "How do you know there were three bears, Mommy?"
Me: " Because that story is named Goldilocks and the THREE Bears. 
KA: "What about if two other bears were lost in the forest so there were really five bears?" 
Me: "Son, it's THREE bears. It's not the eight bears or the five bears. It's the THREE bears.
KA:"Yeah, you are probably right. Bears often have twins but not three cubs." 
"Great," I think to myself. Can we finish now? 
Me: "Once upon a time there was a Poppa bear, a Momma bear and a wee little bear."
KA: "Mom, that cannot be right. Male bears do not stay with the female bears and their cubs."
Me: "Well, in this story it did, son."
KA: "Well, it is not accurate then." 
Me: "Son, it is a FAIRY TALE. It is not suppose to be accurate."
KA: "Why not? Don't the Fairies speak English?"
Me: "Honey, fairy tales are fun stories they don't have to have really happened."
KA: 'So they are lies? Why would they tell kids lies?"
Me: "Because Walt Disney wanted to build a theme park to make them happy."
KA: "That sounds reasonable."
Me: "Can we get back to the story now?"
KA: "Sure mommy."
Me: "Okay so there was the Pappa bear, the Momma bear and the Baby bear."
KA: "But Mom..."
Me: "Okay,  for the sake of clarity," I hissed, "The Poppa Bear joined the Million Man March which taught him that to be a real man he needed to stay with and help provide for his young."
KA: "Mom?"
Me: "WHAT????????????"
KA: "Mom this is a boring book. May I go to bed now?"


Seriously, I think Robin and I need to "read" sign language books to our kids.